The “Ten Toe” Exercise Revolution

While the hype of the five finger exercise shoe continues, there is a new more explicitly correct fad on the horizon. This is the new Ten Toe athletic shoe.

I see no fingers here.

This shoe promises to capitalize on the novelty generated by its predecessor without contributing at all to the athletic world. This might seem like a poor plan of attack, but if you think about it, it is the exact same approach to marketing and athletics that got the Five Finger product where it is today — on store shelves and on the feet of vegan hippies with cash to burn. All the original product did was combine the novelty of bare feet in public with a the basic, but handicapped, function of a shoe.

When it all comes down to it, the idea of exercising with a foot-shaped shoe is just a load of garbage. It won’t help you rock climb better because you lose the cooperative strength of all of your toes on small holds and it wont help you run better because you lose cushioning in the heel and introduce tons of energy wasting flex into the toe portion of your stride.

The Five Finger shoe won’t even help you out socially. There are basically two types of people in the world: those currently wearing Five Fingers and those wearing any other type of shoe. And nobody actually thinks that the shoes look good. Given the setup, those who have not tried the shoes will either realize that you are just trying to make a socio-economical-new-age-hippeical statement and avoid commenting on your shoes at best or else they will be fooled into wasting money on a pair for themselves. If they chose the latter they will realize that they have been duped just like you.

If you want good looking shoes that still fail to offer any athletic benefits you’re better off with a pair of Chucks or Jordans.

Or you could just keep lying to yourself and shell out for these bad boys.